Posts Tagged ‘Jaxton Husmann’

{36 weeks}

It’s amazing how far I have come in my journey. At one time: a day wouldn’t go by with out rivers of tears pouring from my eyes, going to bed with massive migraines, being addicted to Google and sad youtube videos. I couldn’t even hear the song “You Give and Take Away” without being upset, conflicted and honestly a bit angry.

The day before we got Jaxton’s prognosis I had been telling my mom about how I had been planning out a NATURAL child birthing experience this time. Quite opposite to the last time with Jake. My doctor only delivered on Tuesday or Thursday so if I wanted the doctor who had seen me the last 8 months to deliver I had to induce. I wish I knew then what I know NOW! Not only was it traumatic for my poor little Jake but I was close not being able to have kids ever again and close to dying because of all the blood loss. (TMI)  So my plan was: NO inducing, NO Pitocin, NO epidural. I wanted Waterbirth and relaxing Hypnosis with a doula. (yes- i’m a hippie at heart)

{I recommend the documentary Business of Being Born. or you can watch clips on youtube.}

Fast forward 8 weeks: Now I am full of praise and so full of hope and faith.

Ever since my 10/10 moment life has been so AMAZING! I have completely had a heart change and let me tell you, the effort it takes to be sad and upset is a lot more than the effort it takes to trust God and share your burdens with him. I’m so thankful for my dear friend Marsha who lovingly reminds me “…..truly, you must surrender this and put it ALL in God’s hands….That means every aspect of it, from the method of delivery to the outcome with Jaxton….e.v.e.r.y. d.e.t.a.i.l…….”

I have never been closer to God or more drawn to his scripture. I have just finished 1 Samuel. Wow- what a great book! Along with that I have been reading all the scriptures you all have been sending me as well! I love it! Marking up my bible has never been so fun! I’m also reading Sun Stand Still which I highly recommend!

{1 Samuel 5} “1 After the Philistines had captured the ark of God, they took it from Ebenezer to Ashdod. 2 Then they carried the ark into Dagon’s temple and set it beside Dagon. 3 When the people of Ashdod rose early the next day, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the LORD! They took Dagon and put him back in his place. 4 But the following morning when they rose, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the LORD! His head and hands had been broken off and were lying on the threshold; only his body remained.”  Even false idols bow down to worship our God!

Jaxton has conviniently snuggled his way into my rib cage. Hope this doesn’t last for the next 5 weeks. I had to cancel this weeks appointment due to the icestorm last night. Our drive way is one huge ice cube along with the rest of the street – Literally * I’m not exaggerating! (Not quite ready for that driving adventure.)But I am planning on seeing my friend Amy at the 4D ultrasound next week so i’ll get another sneak peek of my little baby. I’m excited to see him but also to show you all his pictures!

Thank you everyone who has been on this journey with me and seeing my oh so obvious ups and downs. At this point I should probably have a roller coaster named after me.

Heard this song on sunday and it really touched me:

Blogs I have been enjoying reading:

Aimee Loeser

April Evans

Baby Be Blessed

Out of Ashes

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34 weeks {cantaloupe}

34 weeks – Size of 4 1/2 lb. Cantaloupe

 

Hey Jaxton!

You are 34 weeks now my little melon! Or at least I think you are. Last time we went to the Dr. you were measuring about 2 weeks smaller so maybe you are the size of a 3 3/4lb jicima. This has put a little kink in your due date determination for right now. I guess we might do a c-section any time between Feb 23rd and March 14th depending on the Doctors recommendation. But that’s neither here nor there. I’m  just getting so excited and so freaked out! The time has been so slow and so fast at the same time!

Daddy and I have been praying for you so much. Even Jake prays for you at bed time. And I should let you know that he is borrowing your Jaxton Owl blanket until you come. He says “Jaxton Blanket” every nap and bedtime and will cry if he doesn’t have it. He also brings me your “Jaxton Lamb” in the mornings 🙂 I know he loves you already. Can you feel his keessies on my belly? Do you hear him singing “Yes, Jesus loves Jaxton?” Can you feel him blow raspberries on you and tapping you? I really hope so. You are so loved already!

I have had so many people tell me they are praying for you! Here are 2 of my favorites:

Brian Holland – “Praying God will show up and show off!”

Kathy Roberts – “Lord, Just go crazy with miracles for this baby!”

That makes me smile!!! The response to your life has been such a blessing to us already.

*     *     *     *     *

I have noticed as I have researched Trisomy 13 these past 16 weeks, that I only come across Christ believing blogs/stories that  have chosen to carry full term… Why haven’t I found a non-christian who has also decided that a chance at life is just as special and important for their baby? … Is it a lack of hope or that the Doctors recommendation for termination is a good enough reason for them? … It really makes me wonder. Is it because many parents are convinced that children with severe genetic disorders will only know pain, and therefore choose abortion? Are they basing it on wanting a “normal” standard of life for the child? Any insight? What are your thoughts?

 

31 weeks

You’re 31 weeks now. 8 more weeks to go. That’s only 56 days.

Every night since December 7th I have been sleeping with a blanket that I eventually plan on wrapping you in while in the hospital. I want my scent, my love and my hope around you always. You and I will have matching blankets. A special thanks to Terressa at Baby Beulah Boutique for making this for Jaxton and our family.

I never thought the Serenity Prayer would apply to me, but it does:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would like it to be…
Amen.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

29 weeks

Hey Jaxton,

I got to see you again today. You were moving so much. Could it have been because I drank a cup of coffee before hand. I’m guessing that may have had something to do with it. you normally are sleeping and covering your face.

I have been spending really great quiet times with with God lately. I can’t explain how I am feeling at such peace. I no longer worry when I don’t feel you moving. I chalk it up to you are sleeping instead of panicking and wondering if today is “the day”. Instead I am looking down at my belly and rubbing you looking to see where you kick me next.

Last I heard from the doctor you are doing fine and we will do an ultrasound at 32 weeks to find out if your liver is in your body or in the Omphalocele. That will determine your delivery method and due date. They are wanting to take you out a week early bc of the O. I am hoping for March 5th (Daddy & Mommy’s anniversary) and that is Trisomy awareness month, but your brother is a February baby so that would be fine too. When ever you come, I’m looking forward to holding you in my arms and near my face giving you lots of kisses.

Every time I look at your pictures or your videos I always comment on how perfect you are and I want to kiss those lips. You had your hands open a lot this session! My favorite part was when you were reaching for your toes. You were flexing and pointing your feet and I could feel it in my tummy.

Fist pump for daddy!

Reaching for your toes. This is so cute to watch on the video.

We got our stockings!!! Look how great they look. Of course I need to get the stockings over the mantle and off the tree, but hey it works for now. I’d also like to get something for the top of the tree (maybe a snowflake)  🙂

GOD IS GOOD!

Ok, so you are totally going to LOVE this story. If you have been following my blog for any length of time you know I have been up and down with God. Finally last week I gave it all to him which you can read in my last blog post.  Here is a picture of a Gift for Jaxton I got in the mail today. It is a beautiful hand knit blanket. But the most amazing part is not the blanket but that little blue snowflake!

Attached was a card where she wrote “The Lord placed it on my heart to add a little snowflake to the ribbon. Each person is an individual masterpiece. Each is a uniquely fleeting treasure with the fingerprints of God upon it.”


She had packaged this gift up the same day I posted my last blog about my personal snowflake story and mailed it the next morning!

So obviously I am dying inside that God spoke to me! Technically 3 times with snow 🙂

Little did she know when the Lord was prompting her that this was going to be an answer to my submission to God. I had finally let it all go and had given it to GOD.

Just thought this was super encouraging and too awesome to not share.

* My after thought *

12.12.10 – I woke up this morning after posting this last night and can not get over how God has been saying “YES Lisa, I am listening to you. I AM here with you.”

If you recall… the last time I asked…”God are you listening to me?” He replied with the first VERY unexpected snow of the season.

Thank you to so many of you who have followed our family in this journey from day one or just recently who have committed to praying for Jaxton, our family, our marriage, our church and everything else going on at this time. We are SO thankful when God responds and we want everyone to know that:

The Husmann’s give GOD all the Glory!

My 10/10 moment … 28 week Ultrasound!

10 weeks ago we found out about Jaxton’s conditions: Trisomy 13, Holoprosencephaly, Omphalocele, Single Artery Umbilical. It was a perfectly planned pregnancy up until that point.

10 weeks from now our lives will be completely changed forever. This is me purposefully  surrendering my heart, life and Jaxton for the next 10 weeks.

 

Lately I have been struggling with the balance between “believing in the supernatural while preparing for the natural.” – Thank you Jessica Whitmore for helping me find these perfect words! I feel privileged to have the knowledge of his circumstances and be able to have the time to find very special items for Jaxton’s funeral/burial if that is the chosen route for him, but also trying not to get consumed in it. I was tending to bend the balance towards the preparing side of the spectrum. I guess after the 8 week ultrasound where nothing changed I headed toward the negative side and just assumed this is just what is going to happen and gave up on God.

I was telling Josh my feelings about the disappointment of the last ultrasound with no change for the better and sadly these words came out of my mouth “I am so disappointed with God. He had 8 weeks to have helped him. I trusted him. HE HAD HIS CHANCE!” At this point I was thinking screw him! While venting and talking with Josh he was able to bring me out of a stooper that I had subsequently dug myself in. He simply said “He’s not dead yet.”…  That’s all it took. I thought about it and you know what… He’s right! HE IS STILL ALIVE!!!! 🙂  HUGE SMILE!

The other morning, my subtly shifting negative view was challenged when a teeny tiny snowflake landed on my black sweater. I could see it’s shape and form so clearly. Call me crazy but I had never “looked” at a snowflake before. ❄ ❄ ❄ Maybe because I’m a Southern California girl, but I honestly didn’t know that a snowflake really was like you see them on cards, ornaments and wrapping paper. It really was that unique and beautiful. Then I looked in my backyard and saw the 5″ deep snow that had just dumped down and now it just looked like one big blanket. No way to possibly see an individual flake, but yet God created that tiny little flake to be as gorgeous as can be. What a complex God we serve! I am so humbled. He does care about the small things. Even when we fail to notice how great he is, he still chooses to be wonderful in all his glory.

Look at a our beautiful little snowflake growing inside me!

Sleeping baby with Umbilical cord on his shoulder.His feet and the omphalocele.

Sucking his thumb with his eyes open.

Look at how much he has changed! This was his 18 week ultrasound:

I am ASKING God a BIG thing. Not big for him, but big for me.

On 12/7/10 We prayed, anointed and laid hands on our special child committing him to God.

This is my 10/10 moment…

God,

I come to you embarrassed about how I could so quickly point the finger at you and doubting you for not healing Jaxton in the time frame I gave you. I am ashamed to admit the little faith that I had after not seeing “proof” that you in fact do work miracles. It felt so much easier to just accept our fate and move on. I have known you for many years and you have always provided for me with so many things… even too many to list and yet so quickly I forget all that you have done for me in the past. I have come to my breaking point and want to turn back to you 100%. I mean with ALL my heart again like I used to.

This is my 10/10 moment and I give you this incredibly beautiful and special child growing with in me to do as you wish. I proudly know he has already been expanding and glorifying your Holy Name. What an honor it is to be his mother. He is your son as well as mine. I am simply going to state the situation and let you deal with it as you choose: Multiple doctors have told us that Jaxton has Trisomy 13 symptoms, Holoprosencephaly, Omphalocele and Single Artery Umbilical. I look at him and see perfection as do you. Jaxton is already a miracle! You know my heart. You have heard my prayers. He is your creation and he reflects your power.

So with 10 weeks to go… I hand it over to you. My palms are up to praise you and submit to you. My knees are bent to praise you and humble myself to you. My head is bowed to revere you and submit to you. These 10 weeks and the rest to come are forever yours.

 

A HUGE thanks to Castleton 4D we are able to go as many times as we want to see Jaxton. They are so gracious, kind and understanding with us in this time.

 

Jaxton is 27 weeks today! … SNOW!!!

27 weeks Jaxton

Jaxton,

I know you are a special boy, but God wanted to celebrate your 27 weeks extra special… Your first SNOW!!!  That’s so awesome!

We are thinking about you all the time. Especially me. You are moving more now and I love being able to feel you and try to guess if it was an elbow, knee or a karate kick to my hips. Feeling you move gives me a sigh of relief. I am thankful for every movement and I sit and lay with you early in the morning and late at night. It’s our mommy and Jaxton time.

I have been praying a lot to God. Telling him your diagnosis, what this would mean for your life and asking him for your healing. I know he already knows this but he asks us to ASK him. I was reminded this the other day when talking to your daddy then when Jake put it into practical application for me. Jake was crying and laying by the refrigerator throwing a small protest. I knew he wanted milk, but I kept telling him “use your words please.” Then I remembered that that is exactly what God is asking of me: To use my words. I don’t believe in coincidences. Everything is in God’s hands. So what a nice surprise it was to see snow the morning after I used my words to God and asked him “Are you listening to me? Are you going to heal Jaxton?” … Then it was just silence. Never would I have thought that on your 27 week birthday he would have answered me “yes. I am listening.” in the form of SNOW!

Yes, we live in Indiana and there will be many days of snow, but today … IT WAS FOR YOU!    🙂

Jake shared in the celebration too…   🙂

It has been snowing all day and I have been looking outside in amazement. As I always say I know this is just a season we need to get through and soon it will be spring then summer. But right now it is winter. Literally and emotionally.

 

*** I have added a tab for all the Trisomy parents who visit this page. Hopefully I have been able to supply them with resources and encouragement. Please pass along any of the info if you know someone going through this. * Please let me know if there is any to add that you may know of!