33 weeks {remain}

Dear Jaxton, We went to see the Doctor yesterday because we had seen something at your last 3D/4D that we hadn’t seen before and wanted the doctor to make sure everything was ok. There is an additional mass coming out from your O. The doctor said he isn’t sure what it is and wants to spend time researching some medical photos. It looks to be filled with a water like substance. Your liver is partially on the outside of your body so to have you delivered in the safest way we are planning on a c-section. We also learned the O is about 2″ wide and is considered broad based. Most likely we will get to meet you February 23rd. You will be 39 weeks at that point. The doc will still be doing ultrasounds and measuring you so maybe you could still be born on your original due date March 2nd.

February 23rd: 43 days:

  • 3,715,200 seconds
  • 61,920 minutes
  • 1032 hours
  • 6 weeks

I braved it in the snow a for few seconds to get a different view than usual.  Obviously, I refuse to believe it is winter.

I have to admit before we go to the doctor we are in pretty high spirits, then the closer we get to it gets disheartening for me. He reminds us of all the signs he sees of Trisomy 13 and that nothing has changed. I feel like Peter getting out of the boat having so much faith… I walk a few steps then BAM! I’m drowning in the water treading so hard to stay above float. I wish we didn’t have anymore ultrasounds because I just become discouraged. I’m tired of the room being deflated and the long sigh I take every time we hear things look the same. I know what the medical evidence says will happen to my son. I know his chances of survival are close to 0%. I see and read about families who have already gone through it and have lost their precious baby. I see the devastation and tell myself that that isn’t going to be us. God is going to heal Jaxton. I’ve wrestled with God and plead to him, even trying an ultimatum once. (well, I gave it a shot!)   🙂

John 15:7

“But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted!

So I am remaining in him and in his words and remaining in my surrender to him. I said I would give it to him and that’s what I have to do. Lord, give me the strength to Trust you completely, Love you completely and Remain in you completely. I keep waiting for the day when your moment of brilliance shines through one of those ultrasounds and the whole room gasps for air because it is a miracle! My ways are not your ways so I will continue to wait for that moment.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. ~Isaiah 55:8,9

In typical God fashion I wouldn’t expect anything less than you showing up at the 11th hour to work your magic  🙂 *smiling, but not liking it very much.* I praise you for Jaxton’s 33 weeks here thus far and I praise you for all the ways you have already used him. Continue to use his life abundantly and far beyond measure.  Just like the prayer of Jabez: “Oh, that You would bless him indeed, and enlarge his territory, that Your hand would be with him, and that You would keep him from evil, that he may not cause pain.”

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12 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Jolene Reyes on January 12, 2011 at 11:49 am

    Lisa, I can’t begin to undestand what you’re going through. I love you. Know that someone is praying for your little Jaxton and your whole family here in Washington. I will also have my synagogue pray.

    Reply

  2. Posted by Nikki on January 12, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Lisa,
    You continue to amaze me. I know what you are going through and want you to know that you are far stronger than I ever was when I was going through my similar situation with Brooklynn. But our Lord healed my girl, and we continue to pray for Him to heal your little guy. He is good and knows all things. I pray too for your peace and comfort during this time. You are being used in such an incredible way. Thank you for your faith. You are an inspiration to many.
    Love you!

    Reply

  3. Posted by Christina Lemaster on January 12, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    Hi Lisa!

    You look beautiful and tiny…you are so small for only having 6 weeks left! We are praying for you and Josh. It is clear God is doing great things through Jaxton’s life already. Thank you for being so open and honest. Love you guys!

    Christina

    Reply

  4. Posted by Jasmine Zickefoose on January 12, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    Lisa, Your faith amazes me every time I read one of your blog updates about little Jaxton. I can’t even imagine what you are going through, however, beyond what you may know, your faith and Jaxton’s story are inspiring others in so many ways. I will continue to pray for yours and Jaxton’s health during the next 6 weeks, and beyond. 🙂

    Jasmine

    Reply

  5. Looking beautiful as always 🙂 Sweet Jaxton is growing well in there!! I know it can be discouraging…there’s a fine line in the medical world about being realistic and just discouraging in situations like Jaxtons. I’ll pray that you find encouragement and joy that God has brought Jaxton to and THROUGH that third trimester mark that doctors questioned would happen, that Jaxton is alive and kicking in there, and that it’s only a matter of weeks before you get to see his sweet face and hold him in your arms.
    Hugs to you all 🙂
    Jes

    Reply

  6. Every second is a miracle. Know for certain, mama, that your son will be healed, whether this side of heaven or not. Keep praying and hold onto your God-given faith. Love hopes. Jaxon’s life story will be one of victory no matter what happens or how long it lasts–keep telling his story!

    Ultrasound days were hard for me too. The doctors do not make it easy to keep your head above water, do they? It always took me a few days to recover. Just remember that Jaxon’s story will not be about his broken body. It will be about his precious little soul.

    You’re looking beautiful! What a precious baby belly ❤

    Reply

  7. Posted by Kristi on January 17, 2011 at 10:43 am

    You are one of the cutest pregnant women I’ve ever seen!

    Reply

  8. Posted by Jessica on January 17, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Lisa, What an WOMAN OF FAITH you are! You are a true inspiration for ua all. I came across your blog a few months ago, and I heard something today that made me think of you. You may already be familiar with her story, but was an interview with Angie Smith. Here is the link to the broadcast called Band-aids on a Heart–http://www.reviveourhearts.com. I pray that it can be of some encouragment to you. Praying for God’s merciful hand in Jaxton’s complete healing!!

    Reply

  9. Posted by Michelle Bradley (Aunt Mimi) on January 17, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Love you and thinking of you! xoxo You look great!

    Reply

  10. Hi Lisa
    I have prayed for you and Jaxton while making your gown. I am mailing it tomorrow. I have been keeping up with your story (life) and I am so impressed with your journey of faith. What a blessing you must be to those that know you personally. I am praying that when Jaxton is born just the right doctors are there to help him. I am praying that God continues to give you peace in your heart and soul. The young girls I told you about are struggling daily. We had a blood drive for them last week. The oldest may soon require a transfusion. Please continue to pray for them. God bless you and your family! Diane

    Reply

  11. Thinking and praying for you today!

    Reply

  12. Hello Lisa, I am new to your blog. We lost our son to Potter’s Syndrome Feb. 21, 2010. This blog post rang so familiar with me. I actually blogged about feeling like Peter walking on the water right after losing Eli. The one thing to remember is that God extended his hand to Peter and saved him from the water. God will carry you through the darkest of storms! Hang on sweet mama! Praying for your family and Jaxton!

    Reply

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