time to kick it.

We have a name for the baby! We will be announcing it soon and also we’ll be asking for suggestions for a middle name! Put your thinking caps on!

I felt him kick so much today. It was a great day of little nudges reminding me he is still alive and I am holding on to hope for his birth. The days I don’t feel him I get really worried and think the worst.

“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
Remind me that my days are numbered—
how fleeting my life is.
You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.
My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;
at best, each of us is but a breath.” psalms 39

My days are numbered just as everyone’s are and so is my baby’s, but only God gives and takes life in his perfect timing.

I am 19 weeks now and unfortunately there are some tough conversations we are having to talk about. Hard things like burial plots and infant/fetal caskets. We are not talking about these because we have lost faith in God’s awesome hand, but because the statistics are against us and we’d at least like to be prepared ahead of time instead of waiting until the moment he passes and scramble to figure it out. We’d be so wrapped up in the emotions and in that moment the last thing we’d want to talk about are the dirty details. If we can get some of this painful stuff out of the way now then we can really focus our prayers on the will of God, but also pleading our best case to him. I’m so thankful to Joyce, Josh’s Mom, for handling these heavy decisions with me.  I never thought this would happen to me. This is always a story you hear about a friend of a friend, ya know what I mean. I know his life already has touched so many people’s hearts that even now the Lord is working in his life. He is definitely a huge part of my on going testimony and I wouldn’t ever wish to have not had him.

Yes, Looking at this picture makes me cry and to know it could be MY reality is a very tough pill to swallow. But to hear a family say that even the 10 minutes their baby was alive was the best moments they could ever imagine… it gives me so much hope and joy to look forward to seeing our baby face to face. To hold him close to my heart and kiss his little perfect lips. To smile at him and tell him how much we love him and have waited to impatiently for him to get here!  🙂

He is perfect. no mistakes. no faults. no errors. He is precisely the way his creator made him!

I know my God already knows our son’s days wether gestation or life. He knows how much Josh, Jake and I can handle as a family. I heard 90% of marriages with a special needs child ends in divorce? Is this true??? It makes my stomach turn to even hear that. Josh and I have become SO much closer through this time and he is becoming an off the chart amazing Daddy to Jake! The value of life has sky rocketed in our house. There’s not much to complain about when you know at any moment we could face one of the hardest days of our life.

Sorry this post is so heavy and scattered all over the place!

… and he gives a few more kicks right before I post this… he’s got a fun sense of humor!

love him sooo much already!

Advertisements

6 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Tiffany on October 11, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    Love you girl.

    Reply

  2. Posted by Debbie on October 11, 2010 at 7:33 pm

    Crying as I read this. So blessed to read how God is working in your heart and on your family through this. praying. Love!

    Reply

  3. Posted by Lisa on October 11, 2010 at 9:40 pm

    Hey Lisa
    Ahh, sweetie, my heart is so heavy as I read this. But is sounds like God is holding you guys together as only He can do in the midst of something like this. Love you and praying for a miracle.
    I vote on his middle name to be Timios – It is Greek and means:
    1. as of great price, precious
    2. held in honour, esteemed, especially dear
    Hugs to the whole family! Zoe misses Jake!!!
    Lisa

    Reply

  4. Posted by Sandy Smith on October 18, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    Dear Lisa and Josh:

    I am praying fervently for your family and for precious Jaxton. God is the author of miracles and wants us to ask for them. We are going to pray for miracles……….

    I like the middle name of :GABRIELE: Italian form of Latin Gabrielus, meaning “man of God” or “warrior of God.”

    God bless,
    Sandy Smith

    Reply

  5. Posted by Kristen on November 8, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    I saw your page through Baby be Blessed. Let me say that I have been praying for you and your little one. My husband and I walked the same road you are walking (almost). I delivered severe preclampsia and hellp syndrome during my pregnancy. My body was literally shutting down and I was on the verge of dying. I had to have our daughter Abigail delivered at 26 weeks. We were told we had a 50-50 chance she would make it. Unfortunately, she was born weighing one pound and twelve inches. The doctors told us she was just too small to save. We heard Abigail cry and saw her open her eyes. She ended up dying in my arms. It is the worst pain ever to see your little one die in your arms. But I am hear to tell you, God was in the room that day with me. He held me in His arms and His presences was amazing! We literally have pictures of Abigail smiling. My family and I all say that’s when Abigail saw Jesus. I never knew it until her funeral but Abigail literally means “Father’s Joy” and I believe that’s what she is to our Father. She only lived for an hour and forty-seven minutes, but she touched so many lives. First, the doctors were amazed at our family support and strength. We got to talk about what an amazing, loving God we serve. Second, Abigail helped restore family and friends. My husband and brother-in-law hadn’t talked in a year and after Abby died they have a wonderful friendship. My dad and my uncle refused to talk to one another and at Abigail’s funeral they fell into one another’s embrace and now have a great relationship. My family has been trying to get my aunt and uncles to church for years and it took Abigail to get them there (and even after her funeral they still continue to go!) It was so hard immediately after her death, but God walked with me through the “valley of the shadow of death”. I am happy to say I have two beautiful daughters afterward. Rebecca was born a year and a half later with no complications weighing 7 pounds, 11 ounces (and she was 6 weeks early!) Leah is our miracle baby. She was born a year later at 26 weeks and weighed 1 pound, 3 ounces. She spent 89 days in the NICU but we were able to bring her home with no complications. She’s now 8 months and 12 pounds! I am praying that your little one will have complete healing.

    Reply

  6. Posted by Laura Hahn on December 31, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    Josh and Lisa,

    My prayers are with your unborn child. As for the “statistics” that 90% of marriages with special needs children end in divorce, there are 10% that last. My parents are in that 10%. I have a younger brother, Philip, age 14 that has autism. While it may not be the easiest thing in the world to live with, we know that God chose us to have a special needs child in our family because he knew we can handle it. You and Josh are amazing parents already and Jaxton is going to be a very lucky baby!

    A verse that really helps me through hard times with Philip is I Corinthians 10:13

    “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

    And remember, don’t tell God how big your problems are; tell your problems how big your GOD is.

    xoxo,
    Laura Hahn

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: